Midnight

I am very bad at time management. In the past, I found the time to write a blog which ridiculed, lambasted and figuratively pissed on the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. But I soon stopped writing a blog because I felt I didn’t have the time.

And yet here I am, having been without a regular 9-5 job since July, realising that I have more free time than I’ve had since university, and I decide the best time of year to start the blog up again is in the wake of a New Year. A blog as well, the most New Year Resolution-y of writerly pursuits (aside from starting a novel, or a manifesto). No doubt my next entry will be about ‘commitment’, only for me to give up the blog once again the following week.

One should never admit to being a hypocrite. And certainly after telling people not to admit to being a hypocrite, admitting to would make me a double hypocrite. But I am.

The reason I have been without a proper job, was to begin a lucrative career as someone you might glimpse in the background of TV shows. You can currently see me expertly not drawing focus while still wearing a tuxedo in the second episode of ‘His Dark Materials’, directed by Tom Hooper. My character was unnamed, an unusual affliction which would have made it hard for him to introduce himself to the other characters in the scene. In a cruel twist of irony however, he also apparently lacked the ability to audibly vocalise, and chose to simply move his mouth in a pathetic mockery of real speech. I had no doubt it would make him seem like a very odd party guest, but at least he was unable to explain to people why his parents never thought to give him a name. I spent some time exploring this in an iPhone video which I sent to the production team. Look forward to seeing it in full on the DVD extras.

I didn’t get a chance to speak to the director Tom, very much, but I did say one thing to him. The characters in the show have ‘daemons’ (think witches’ familiars or unproblematic spirit animals), and so among other animals, there was a cat wandering around the set. I pointed it out to the director and said ‘Hey Hoops! Maybe that’s a movie?’

After a little back and forth regarding who ‘Hoops’ was and whether or not I had the right to shout during a take, I distinctly remember telling him that I’ve always found cats to be very sexual animals, uncomfortably so. And that I’d often wondered what would happen if The Island of Dr Moreau was relocated to the uncanny valley. In response, Hoops said that further outbursts would lead to me being removed from set. And the rest is history.

A few friends texted me after the episode aired, asking if that was indeed me in the background. Obviously I was absolutely devastated, considering that my entire job as an extra is not to be noticed. It makes it very hard to find good representation for background acting, as once you’ve been noticed, you’ve disqualified yourself as a worthwhile extra. My trick is to phone up agencies, telling them that I was involved in productions that I’ve never been anywhere near. When they phone back telling me they couldn’t find any footage or paperwork corroborating my claim, I respond ‘Exactly. I was completely unnoticeable,’ since that’s what I assume they want. It has yet to work. The spectre of a normal job looms. Unless someone decides this kind of writing is worth paying for.

I have kind of made resolutions for the year, but it’s really just using the ticking over of midnight, and the flipping or binning of a calendar (depending on if you bought a 12 or 18 month one) as a chance to reflect, and being allowed a reset button on behaviour and habits you want to examine or even purge. I won’t detail my resolutions here, but let’s just say that one of them rhymes with ‘get rich and famous’.

Yes, I plan to ‘Net Twitch-Banned Gamers’ for a rival Let’s Play streaming service. Wish me luck.

I guess my New Year’s Resolution should be for this blog to be better. And the streaming thing.

Good luck to everyone attempting to better themselves this year.

In the words of Grizabella ‘A new day has begun.’

 

Next time on the bandwagon, I explore how rappers are like our modern day poets. If you ignore all of the modern day poets.